Do or Do Not.

Cruising for a bruising

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Isn’t there anyone left in Tom Cruise’s life who can tell him that the time has come for him keep his damn mouth shut? I liked the old, relatively private Cruise far, far better than the obnoxious, showboating knowitall who’s dumping his rat-pellets of condescension and simulated love all over the media.

What he’s done to poor Katie Holmes is one thing–at the rate they’re going, her career’s to be over faster than FOX can cancel a quality TV show. She’s already been told her services won’t be needed for the next Batman movie, largely because the suits at Warner Bros. were annoyed that her antics with Tiny Tom were overshadowing the promotion of Batman Begins. I doubt that’s the kind of career boost her contract with Cruise specified.

But as annoying as The Tom and Katie Professional Courtship Show has been, what’s really starting to get under my skin is his spouting off about Scientology all the damn time. Does he really think acting like an arrogant ass makes him a good poster boy for Scientology? Even the most devout celebrity Scientologists don’t talk about their “religion” all that much, Tom, and do you know why? Because they know that it makes them look like mush-brained lunatics to sane people.

It’s not just that so many of the ideas involved in Scientology are so bizarrely dumb. It’s Tom’s attitude and conviction that his is the only worthwhile spiritual path–anyone who disagrees with him is obviously just a big stupid-head and hasn’t done their homework, or else they’d agree with his views 100%.

Just this morning, Cruise got in a tiff with Today’s Matt Lauer because Lauer dared to question Cruise’s beliefs:

“You don’t know the history of psychiatry. I do,” Cruise said. The interview became more heated when Lauer, who said he knew people who had been helped by the attention-deficit disorder drug Ritalin, asked Cruise about the effects of the drug. “Matt, Matt, you don’t even — you’re glib,” Cruise responded. “You don’t even know what Ritalin is. If you start talking about chemical imbalance, you have to evaluate and read the research papers on how they came up with these theories, Matt, OK. That’s what I’ve done.”

The flat-out balls of those statements just blows my mind. Matt Lauer’s a smart, educated guy and I’m sure he didn’t get to be host of the Today show by not knowing what he was talking about. I’m honestly a bit surprised Lauer didn’t slug him. I certainly wouldn’t have blamed him if he had.

I can’t see Cruise’s recent Scientological blitzkreig bringing the funds of any new followers to Xenu’s coffers. If anything, I’d imagine it’s only exposing more and more people to its ridiculousness. Maybe the “church” will excommunicate him for…nah, what am I thinking, he’s far too rich to be kicked out. There’s still some buildings in downtown Clearwater the Scientologists don’t yet own, so I’m sure Tom’s safe.

Oh, and in addition to not being able to recount how he and Holmes met, Cruise continues not to be able to offer up any valid reasons why he’s so head-over-heels, couch-hopping in love with her:

“I don’t want to compare things,” Cruise said. “It’s that thing where you just — in life when it just happens. … You meet someone. And it’s — I can’t even describe it.”

Tom, it’s time to go back in your box. One of the reasons you’re a superstar and not just an actor is due to the fact that the public doesn’t know all that much about you. The less we know–more specifically, the less we know that doesn’t make us want to kick you in the goddamn teeth–the more we can project onto you whatever we want you to be.

And right now, what we want you to be is quiet.

Written by Allen

June 24th, 2005 at 3:33 pm

Posted in Pop Culture

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2 Responses to 'Cruising for a bruising'

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  1. Tom could use a little cruise control when it comes to his mouth. We’re OK with our stars being politically outspoken; we’re even OK with their becoming social activists. But we’d all appreciate Tom’s hiring a new press agent, one who will curb the spouting off of this egomaniacal, smart-ass, opportunistic actor and perhaps remind him that his career exists at the fickle whims of the public whose intelligence he is seriously underestimating.


    24 Jun 05 at 4:00 pm

  2. He’s just down-right creepy these days. Well, I guess he was always creepy, we just didn’t know it.


    24 Jun 05 at 4:18 pm

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