Do or Do Not.

Truth or dare…to be embarrassed

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I don’t think I’ve ever in my life played a good game of Truth or Dare.

I’m thinking about my previous ToD experiences because Brian sent me a link today to Truth or Dare Online, a site partygoers can use to suggest various questions to be answered truthfully or actions to be accomplished, um, darefully. The kinds of questions the site spits out are configurable so that they’re appropriate for anything from pre-teen sleepovers to full-on adults-only orgiastic bacchanalia.

Every time I’ve ever played a game of ToD, it’s been in a group of people containing at least one, usually more, female in whom I had some level of romantic and/or sexual interest. Hell, even the one time I played a four-person game of ToD, I’d have gladly made the mad monkey sex (or any smaller subset of those activities making up the mad monkey sex) with either one of the two girls involved. And isn’t that what Truth or Dare is for (as an adult, anyway)? To have an excuse to play around with other people without the pressure of it meaning anything?

But oh, no, that’s not the way it ever worked for me. For some reason, I’ve always been the Offical Truth or Dare Comic Relief.

I’d watch as my friends, who tended to have better luck with the ladies than I did and therefore didn’t need the drunken lowering of standards of acceptable behavior provided by ToD, would take dare after dare that involved making out with hot chicks, or licking the bare bellies of hot chicks, or whatever else they were dared to do with hot chicks.

Me, though?

“OK, Allen, you have to sit at the bottom of the hottub and pretend like you’re enthusiastically masturbating while thinking about Stan. For one minute.” (Stan (not his real name) was our boss at the record store at which we all worked; his uncanny resemblance to Kermit the Frog did nothing to help put me in the mood for my mock masturbation. Neither did the fact that he was a guy.)

Here’s another of my favorites, one that I’m sure at least three of the readers of this blog will remember. In fact, if I’m not mistaken, one of the readers of this site was responsible for this particular dare as we sat in a big circle on the beach:

“OK, Allen, take off all of your clothes and go jump into the Gulf.”

The best part about that one, though, was the fact that I couldn’t find my glasses when I came nakedly up out of the Gulf. Fumbling around the beach for my glasses, Little Allen just kind of hanging there in the cool night breeze… not my most dignified of moments, I have to tell you.

Don’t get me wrong–I accept that these kinds of happenings are part of the game. You don’t play Truth or Dare in an attempt to seem elegant in front of your friends. I just hated the fact that in every game I ever played, I was the one to whom these things happened.

I think a large part of that was the fact that back in the days when I had less confidence than I do now, I’d give off the sort of desperate vibe that indicated to others that it probably wasn’t the best idea to foist me onto any girl who wasn’t already interested in me. Which I completely understand; god knows how badly I might have pulled the puppy-dog-follow routine on anyone dared into as much as kissing me.

But man, does part of me (only a part of me) wish I could have those days and those games back now–because I am such a different person in so many ways than I was then. I’m much more confident and several orders of magnitude more comfortable with myself…which, of course, makes me far, far sexier. The outside doesn’t look all that much different, but the inside has undergone a drastic revolution over the last few years.

So, to sum up… Me then: lonely; desperate; probably more than a little creepy to women. Me now: happily married; not even remotely desperate; far, far sexier.

The moral, of course: be comfortable with who you are, whoever that person might be, or no one else is gonna be, either.

Written by Allen

July 9th, 2005 at 5:21 pm

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11 Responses to 'Truth or dare…to be embarrassed'

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  1. Am I one of those 3 people? And if I am, is it good thing or a bad thing that I can’t remember? And if I can’t remember and I was one of those 3, exactly how much alcohol was involved? :)


    9 Jul 05 at 8:38 pm

  2. Yep, Amy, you are indeed one of those three people. You clearly were so traumatized by the sight of me nakedly sprinting into the Gulf of Mexico that you’ve blotted that night from your memory. Or you were drunker than I thought that night. :)

    So if you don’t remember my little dare I had to perform, do you remember yours…? ;)


    10 Jul 05 at 12:30 am

  3. Allen, please stop punishing me. I think the dare I gave you was easy. First of all, no one looked except Terry and now that you’re married to her and have procreated twice, I would say that the peek at your behind did you a favor. Would you have preferred that I made you stick your tongue down David’s throat? I think not. So, you can thank me for taking it easy on you.

    Amy, you don’t remember trying to make David’s friend admit he was gay?


    10 Jul 05 at 9:18 am

  4. And BESIDES! Didn’t you go around naked at my 21st birthday party?


    10 Jul 05 at 9:19 am

  5. I have played that awkward game of TorD a million times, but alas… I haven’t gotten more confident with age, marriage, or child-bearing so I’d still be the odd putz out. whimper

    No wonder I write YA. High school never ends for me!


    10 Jul 05 at 11:03 am

  6. Ooh, I do remember a little more of that night now. David’s friend must have been totally annoyed by me and it sounds like I totally deserved it. Was that my bet, though? I don’t remember.


    10 Jul 05 at 11:09 am

  7. I’m not punishing you, Michelle. You just happen to have given me the dare that helped inspire me to write a funny ToD post. Or what I HOPE was funny, anyway. :)

    Which “you” are you talking about being naked for your 21st…I’m a little fuzzy, but I think there was a LOT of nudity that night, though I think most of it was tastefully concealed in the pool.

    Amy, that was one of the truths you dished out (which I had forgotten–I’d totally forgotten David’s friend was even there). I’m more curious if you remember the dare you received. It wasn’t really that big a deal, but you seemed properly embarrassed by it, though I certainly don’t think you should have been. (Spark any memories yet?)

    Since we’re on the “truth or dare” topic, I’ll now cop to an honest truth: I lied in my answer to the one big “truth” asked of me that night.

    David was trying to be a little shit that night and so asked me to name the best sex I’d ever had. The thing is, he knew the answer, and he also knew that I was trying to keep that information secret. I didn’t dare say the real answer–Terry–because she was still my boss and our little tryst wasn’t yet public knowledge, especially to most of the Voyager staffers present that night. So Amy, if David was annoyed by your trying to out his friend, trust that he (David) deserved it, karmically speaking. :)


    10 Jul 05 at 11:34 am

  8. Boy, all these things I missed in my youth. I’ve never once been invited to play a game of Truth or Dare. Yikes. I don’t want to think about what that says about me. Off to put that in a book somehow.

    Write on right now. Susan Taylor Brown

  9. Ok Allen, I just don’t remember. Would you just email me already and tell me what the dare was? I’m not sure I want this posted, LOL.


    10 Jul 05 at 1:39 pm

  10. I am not sure if I remember what Amy’s dare was. I can’t remember if I knew about Allen and Terry either. I know Arrow knew, so maybe I did too. All I know is that I felt so bad for David’s friend. And then I remember peeing on the beach next to someone’s house. I hope they weren’t home.

    I absolutely HATED playing that game. I usually found some way out of playing it, but there was no way around it that night. So, in cases like that, I always just picked “truth” because I knew I could never bring myself to actually do any “dare” that was given to me. Painfully, painfully shy and self-conscious. There’s something about pregnancy and childbirth that takes that away.


    10 Jul 05 at 2:39 pm

  11. I always miss the fun. :(


    10 Jul 05 at 7:43 pm

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